Is it Worth it to Make Amends with an old Friend?
We’ve all had friendships that ended for one reason or another. But how many of those friendships could have been mended by a simple conversation?
On the latest episode of Red Table Talk, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Gabrielle Union sat down and talked after 17-year feud. The two were actually unclear as to how the beef even started.
There were a few points that stood out:
1. Jada made the comment that she thought to herself “Damn, that was some petty ass shit.” How often are we mad over stupid stuff? We all get in our feelings every now and then. But we really should think sometimes... “Is this worth ending a friendship over?” I can recall a few situations where I could have simply told someone how I felt, but instead I kept it in. This not only made me more mad, but I didn’t give the other person the opportunity to present their side or fix the situation altogether.
2. Gabrielle Union admitted that she had to hit rock bottom and that we think certain things won’t bother us, but they do. I think if you have to question your role in something or there’s a friendship you can’t get over, that’s a sign. Either you need to reach out to the person or you need to further process and figure out how to move on from it.
3. Jada made the comment that even though it was petty, that’s where she was in life. I don’t think we realize sometimes how outside factors influence the way we treat others. I went through a phase where I was so set on being carefree, that I was just kinda like eff whoever ain’t down with that. I was also hell bent on checking anyone who in the slightest came at me wrong. As a result, I cut people off and held grudges over the dumbest things. I’m in a place where I can own that.
4. Last but not least, some situations are not fixable. Sometimes things went too far. In my case, I can recall two specific people I will never want to reconcile with. Not necessarily because of what they did, but I know that we will never have a friendship in which I can trust them to be honest and loyal. I think it is important for people to think about that before they reach out. I’ve told people before that I want to have a conversation and that’s it. Let people know your intentions. Tell them you are not trying to reconcile the friendship. So while I’m all for apologies, some people simply aren’t worth it. Also, make sure the other person is in the right space to have a conversation and don’t go into it with any expectations. That’s how people get hurt and upset, when people don’t respond to them as they would’ve liked. It’s okay, if they don’t feel how you do.
This conversation was an eye opener for me. I’m considering reaching out to some people, but I’m assessing if it is even worth it.
For those of you reaching out to old friends, I pray it goes well.
What were your thoughts on the episode?